His grace is sufficient

It's been a while since I last blogged. There were many times where I told myself I will blog and then I would get busy and it would be perpetually put off. I'm actually quite tired currently from my friend's wedding but I told myself that I would blog this weekend so here I am typing away.

I love weddings because of two reasons. One is that it points back to Christ. The other is that it is a great place for reunions. I finally was able to meet up with David Lee. I miss this guy a lot, like a lot, like a lot. Did I tell you that I miss David like a lot? haha I kept saying that to people at the wedding.

I was able to catch up with him briefly when I was getting coffee with him but I'm excited about tomorrow because I'll be able to meet up with him one on one.

I wish seriously he was up at norcal with me. I know I'm being selfish but we are so similar and we have similar struggles in life and we keep things so real between each other. I'm thankful to God for our friendship even though we are not at the same location.

For the brief catchup, David shared how he is learning that God keeps us humble by allowing us to make mistakes and does not give us everything perfectly. Recently, work has been somewhat stressful for both of us. I'm under the pressure to not make mistakes in any of my simulations because every day counts. However, one time I screwed up and I remember thinking to myself man how could I make such a careless mistake. We believe that God allows those mistakes so that in the end we would realize that it's all up to God whether we work well or not. Everything is up to God, and nothing is up to us. The ability to wake up and be productive is up to God. The ability to get up and praise Him. The ability to do all things is all His grace. I think it's awesome how God uses work to show us that in the end in life no matter what we do it's all His grace. We make mistakes and sometimes huge ones, but it's a way to keep us humble. This reminds me of Paul when He asked God to remove the thorn and three times he pleads with God, ' "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.' 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

I'm still trying to wrap my head around that though. It's difficult to make mistake and not regret it. I remember one of my married friend (David Choi) who has three kids said to me, "As you grow older in life, your regrets will grow." I'm beginning to truly understand that. I definitely hope that I learn from my mistake but more also that I would say with Paul that Jesus' grace is sufficient for me.

One other thing I have been learning recently is a sermon I heard from lighthouse's associate pastor JR. One of the verses he preached on was Philippians 3:8-9 "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—" It's been really resonating in my mind and hopefully soon it will travel down and resonate in my heart. I mean I have heard this verse and read this verse many times but the spirit really moved me that day and the weight of the passage settled in. Do I truly count everything as loss? What if I were to lose my job, or lose a limb, or lose all my friends. Would I be able to be like Job? "Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:20-21

Recently I have been praying that God would give me the grace to understand this. To be honest, if God were to take away my job or a limb or something that gives me comfort, my first thought would not be praising Him. My first thoughts would be doubting God and His love. In light of that thought, I have been praying that God would give me a new heart that would resonate the surpassing knowledge of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord. I know that in the end it's all His grace and I pray that he would give me the ability to have complete satisfaction from Him. A lot of times I know my faith is not as strong and it does not come out as naturally as others are. I think that's why David and I are similar. Because of this we feel like our doubts are always present. So we cling. We cling because we are desperate. We strive to fight hard and a lot of times it's taxing. I think that's why a lot of times the introspections can become dark, very dark. Last time we met up David told me that he's been learning not to give in to that. It's easy to throw a pity party and let the emo darkness take control because it feels good. I have been learning to not give in and instead call out to God and read the scripture verse that tells me that He is faithful even when I am not. "Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:23-26 So with that in my mind, I pray that in the end if God were to take away everything I would be like Habakkuk "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19

I'm starting to read Knowing God again because I feel like I need to remind myself of what it truly means to know of God verses to only know about God. In the opening chapter, JI Packer quotes one of Charles Spurgeon's sermon, "Oh, there is, contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; and in the influence of the Holy Ghost, there is a balsam for every sore. Would you lose your sorrow? Would you drown your cares? Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead's deepest sea; be lost in his immensity; and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest, refreshed and invigorated. I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so calm the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial, as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead. It is to that subject I invite you this morning."

A verse that comes into my mind is Psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”