Wednesday morning. I was pumped and ready to take my oral part of my quals. It was at 11AM. I came in the office early so I decided to go to cnn to check up on some news... and that's when I first heard about it. 7.0 magnitude earthquake hits Haiti. At first I was like whoa... 7.0. That's HUGE. Haiti? wow that country is POOR. Not too long after that, my own worries about my quals came in. I thought, I don't have time to worry about Haiti right now. I'll read about it later. After taking my quals, I went to celebrate and ate at Astoria with some friends and never really remembered about reading up on Haiti. After I went home, I swept my room, handmopped my floor with pine sol. Cleaned the bathroom, mopped, rinsed the toilet bowl, and everything. Then I relaxed and the next day, my celebration begins round two and went to SoHo to do some shopping at uniqlo. (the new +J inventory came out) I ate and relaxed; and only yesterday night did I actually sit down and read more carefully how bad it really was. How bad? bad. sad. The pictures were really really sad.
Things like this really humbles me. I went through my facebook "newsfeed" to see if anyone's status had said anything about Haiti. The only people that mentioned Haiti was Happyslip. (the youtube flippino comedian), John Piper (evangelical preacher at twin cities). I did see some gchat status talk about Haiti but what's sad is that... all my friends including me posted about their own lives on their fb status... my previous fb status was "done. celebrating at Astoria withe some awesome Greek food with Haig and Paul. yay =)" I mean... this just shows how self-focus we really are... including me. Well maybe some people, didn't want to learn more about it... it's too sad... but isn't that selfish too? maybe if you learned more about it... you would know ways to help the current relief... whether it is praying or giving.
I at first neglected because I was so busy celebrating and I thought it's not that bad. Disasters come and go... but... to the Haitians it is their world. It is everything. Why should I not be driven to be on my knees praying? I recently read a blog from a missionary family in Haiti. It is amazing that they survived but just hearing their report is really sad. Bodies are everywhere, the stench of death lingers in the air. To the people of Haiti, they cannot "run away" from reality. It is everywhere. Yet, all the news and blogs I have read always commented on how strong the people of Haiti are. They have been through the poverty everyday and even though this may be the worst they have experienced in their lifetime, they will go through it. Then I think about happiness. To Haitians... even before this earthquake... I'm sure most of them would be ecstatic to have just a regular home to live in and a regular diet. (Most of them are in slums) Now with this earthquake, if they can just have their loved ones... I'm sure they would be elated and thankful.
What about me? I am not content having a home, I am not content having a family, I am not content with having just food on the table. I feel like I need to be doing all this stuff in my life. To have adventures, to be a foodie, to travel, to start a family, etc etc. These things are blessings sure but I should not have them define my joy and happiness. What about America? Are we so stuffed with blessings that we forget what we are? Do we need to be stripped of everything? Do I need to be stripped of everything? "for you are dust, and to dust you shall return." Genesis 3:19. Will I still be able to say "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." like Job did? (Job 1:21)
What if some major earthquake hits America? God-forbid, but Los Angeles? I have family there. How would we deal with it. Maybe I would appreciate the simple things of life a lot more. Maybe I would understand how to "Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don't have." Ecclesiastes 6:9 (NLT)
Of course it is no comparison... America is technologically more advance and we have the best hospitals here but Haiti... Their operating room is now in the streets. No clean equipment and human waste everywhere... oh man why am I not driven to pray for them more fervently? Where is my compassion? Lord have mercy on them and have mercy on me so that I may be more compassionate to those who are suffering.
I thank God that I have my family, I thank God that I don't have to pay for my education. I thank God that I am done with my quals... I thank God that I can relax a little but I also hope that as I celebrate and relax, I might continue to lift up prayers for the people of Haiti.
Jesus, I know you loved the world so much that you would die for us on the cross. Thank you for allowing the world to come together in a time like this to facilitate the ongoing relief efforts. May the people of Haiti see your love now... through the Gospel and that they would trust it knowing that there is eternal life ahead. "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." - Romans 8:18
Friday, January 15, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Recharge
This was a well-spent winter break. I saw a bunch of friends I haven't seen in ages...
I went up to norcal and saw my old roommates and glad to see that they are doing well.
I went snowboarding at Tahoe. Kirkwood was amazing. Oh how I miss snowboarding. I seriously want to go back up the next day... oh well... There were no injuries. I got lots of speed and some air on little jumps. =) Next year, I'll plan a mammoth trip or something. =)
On the way back from Tahoe, I met up with David Jungpa Lee. Out of all the conversations I have had during this break, I had the most important one with him.
It was relatively short, only an hour or so. (I know because we were on metered parking and plus I wanted to get back to Arcadia before LA traffic causes the freeways to become a parking lot) What did we talk about? Things I already knew except somehow God opened my heart to be reminded of things I had already forgotten. I think one of the most important thing that we talked about was having a long term perspective. I used to think long term a lot. Studying and working hard to get a good stable job to provide for a future family. If I want something expensive and I don't have the money to buy for it now, I would save money. Somehow, I think I lost the long term perspective. Maybe as I am getting older, I am getting more lazy or maybe I just want to be rewarded now. I feel like these days I crave for immediate gratifications. Maybe that's why I miss work and I miss the comfort of a stable job. I think it also points to a lack of trust in God. God placed me in NYC for a reason. He placed me in grad school for a reason. He has opened doors. I made the decision in faith and now I am whimpering out because I want to be "comfortable". As I reflect upon this past semester, I realized that in my head I might have said, God I want to rely on your strength, but my heart did not say that. If I truly want to do this for His glory, then I must trust His guidance and rely on His sovereignty.
I think I lost the long term perspective also because as Christians I want to be aware of His second coming. I want to make every day count. However, only God the Father knows when He will be coming back again... so If He tarries and I bury my talents I will be held responsible.
What are my talents? Well, He has blessed me with intelligence; He has blessed me with the ability to persevere; He has blessed me with open doors and opportunities... What do I do with them? Do I take the easy route or do I trust God and take the route that He has shown me?
Well before going to NYC, I had taken the route that He has shown me. I gave up comfort at NorCal, I gave up Tahoe, I gave up my job, I gave up friends, and my spiritual family. However, as the semester progressed I kicked and screamed at Him, and neglected Him a lot of times. Even though I did all this, He still blessed me with awesome grades. (4.07; unlike Berkeley, Columbia weighs A+ as 4.3 instead of 4.0). This is indeed radical grace. Some unbelievers might think well you concentrated on school instead of religious things so of course you will have more time to study and therefore will have good grades. Well, that might be true but I believe it was supernatural strength that pulled me through the semester because if you had seen me towards the end of the semester you would have seen my sad state. I was out of energy and now looking back I can see how God had sustained me through it all. If it wasn't for Him, I would have burned out a while ago.
However, God not only sustained me through it all, He allowed me to meet up with David to remind me of why I am doing this. After meeting up with him, I regained my focus and I got back on track. God gave me a renewed strength and a renewed determination.
With this new perspective, I used the remaining few days reading Scripture and reading a book called How People Change by Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp. These resources allowed me to see how God was/is always with me through every step of my life even when it was dark. It allowed me to see how important Jesus' death and resurrection really was. Through His triumph we are able to have hope to change to be more Christ-like. God gave us the Holy Spirit so that we might be able to have power to be more like His Son. The question I need to ask myself is... am I quenching it or am I relying on it?
As the new semester comes, I realized I need to definitely pray more and talk more with my Lord Jesus Christ. I want to be more like Christ. Maybe this is why I try to talk about Christ and the Gospel at small groups. Because I know it is the only way I can be reminded that even though I live in the world, I don't have to be like the world. It's hard to be selfless... it's hard to let go of control... it's hard to pray... in a city and culture where it's all about you. However, Christ lives within me through the Holy Spirit... there is power... power to resist, power to change, and power to be more Christ-like.
Am I quenching it or am I relying on it?
I hope as this new semester comes, I would do more relying than quenching.
New Year Resolution.
I went up to norcal and saw my old roommates and glad to see that they are doing well.
I went snowboarding at Tahoe. Kirkwood was amazing. Oh how I miss snowboarding. I seriously want to go back up the next day... oh well... There were no injuries. I got lots of speed and some air on little jumps. =) Next year, I'll plan a mammoth trip or something. =)
On the way back from Tahoe, I met up with David Jungpa Lee. Out of all the conversations I have had during this break, I had the most important one with him.
It was relatively short, only an hour or so. (I know because we were on metered parking and plus I wanted to get back to Arcadia before LA traffic causes the freeways to become a parking lot) What did we talk about? Things I already knew except somehow God opened my heart to be reminded of things I had already forgotten. I think one of the most important thing that we talked about was having a long term perspective. I used to think long term a lot. Studying and working hard to get a good stable job to provide for a future family. If I want something expensive and I don't have the money to buy for it now, I would save money. Somehow, I think I lost the long term perspective. Maybe as I am getting older, I am getting more lazy or maybe I just want to be rewarded now. I feel like these days I crave for immediate gratifications. Maybe that's why I miss work and I miss the comfort of a stable job. I think it also points to a lack of trust in God. God placed me in NYC for a reason. He placed me in grad school for a reason. He has opened doors. I made the decision in faith and now I am whimpering out because I want to be "comfortable". As I reflect upon this past semester, I realized that in my head I might have said, God I want to rely on your strength, but my heart did not say that. If I truly want to do this for His glory, then I must trust His guidance and rely on His sovereignty.
I think I lost the long term perspective also because as Christians I want to be aware of His second coming. I want to make every day count. However, only God the Father knows when He will be coming back again... so If He tarries and I bury my talents I will be held responsible.
What are my talents? Well, He has blessed me with intelligence; He has blessed me with the ability to persevere; He has blessed me with open doors and opportunities... What do I do with them? Do I take the easy route or do I trust God and take the route that He has shown me?
Well before going to NYC, I had taken the route that He has shown me. I gave up comfort at NorCal, I gave up Tahoe, I gave up my job, I gave up friends, and my spiritual family. However, as the semester progressed I kicked and screamed at Him, and neglected Him a lot of times. Even though I did all this, He still blessed me with awesome grades. (4.07; unlike Berkeley, Columbia weighs A+ as 4.3 instead of 4.0). This is indeed radical grace. Some unbelievers might think well you concentrated on school instead of religious things so of course you will have more time to study and therefore will have good grades. Well, that might be true but I believe it was supernatural strength that pulled me through the semester because if you had seen me towards the end of the semester you would have seen my sad state. I was out of energy and now looking back I can see how God had sustained me through it all. If it wasn't for Him, I would have burned out a while ago.
However, God not only sustained me through it all, He allowed me to meet up with David to remind me of why I am doing this. After meeting up with him, I regained my focus and I got back on track. God gave me a renewed strength and a renewed determination.
With this new perspective, I used the remaining few days reading Scripture and reading a book called How People Change by Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp. These resources allowed me to see how God was/is always with me through every step of my life even when it was dark. It allowed me to see how important Jesus' death and resurrection really was. Through His triumph we are able to have hope to change to be more Christ-like. God gave us the Holy Spirit so that we might be able to have power to be more like His Son. The question I need to ask myself is... am I quenching it or am I relying on it?
As the new semester comes, I realized I need to definitely pray more and talk more with my Lord Jesus Christ. I want to be more like Christ. Maybe this is why I try to talk about Christ and the Gospel at small groups. Because I know it is the only way I can be reminded that even though I live in the world, I don't have to be like the world. It's hard to be selfless... it's hard to let go of control... it's hard to pray... in a city and culture where it's all about you. However, Christ lives within me through the Holy Spirit... there is power... power to resist, power to change, and power to be more Christ-like.
Am I quenching it or am I relying on it?
I hope as this new semester comes, I would do more relying than quenching.
New Year Resolution.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
