Temperament, Introspection, Psalm 42

"But while I emphasize, with all my being, the fact that temperament does not make the slightest difference in the matter of our fundamental salvation, I am equally anxious to emphasize the fact that it does make a very great difference in actual experience in the Christian life, and that when you are trying to diagnose a condition such as that of spiritual depression, it is something with which you should start, it is something to put at the very beginning."

"There is a type of person who is particularly prone to spiritual depression. That does not mean that they are any worse than others. Indeed, I could make out a good case for saying that quite often the people who stand out most gloriously in the history of the Church are people of the very type we are now considering. Some of the greatest saints belong to the introverts; the extrovert is generally a more superficial person. In the natural realm there is the type of person who tends to be always analysing himself, analysing everything he does, and worrying about the possible effects of his actions, always hacking back, always full of vain regrets."

"But what is the difference between examining oneself and becoming introspective? I suggest that we cross the line from self-examination to introspection when, in a sense, we do nothing but examine ourselves, and when such self-examination becomes the main and chief end in our life. We are meant to examine ourselves periodically, but if we are always doing it, always, as it were, putting our soul on a plate and dissecting it, that is introspection."

"Some of us by nature, and by the very type to which we belong, are more given to this spiritual disease called spiritual depression than others. We belong to the same company as Jeremiah, and John the Baptist and Paul and Luther and many others. A great company! Yes, but you cannot belong to it without being unusually subject to this particular type of trial."

"I say that we must talk to ourselves instead of allowing 'ourselves' to talk to us! Do you realize what that means? I suggest that the main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. Am I just trying to be deliberately paradoxical? Far from it. This is the very essence of wisdom in this matter. Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you."

-Martyn Lloyd Jones

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." -Psalm 42:5

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." -Psalm 42:11

Multimedia Consuming Machine

Recently as I was on my commute from work, I heard a radio commercial on the new droid X. It talked about how the new droid X will be able to transform us into a multimedia consuming machine. I have heard it many times before but this time I heard it as I was parking my car so I had time to think about it... Wait what is this commercial trying to appeal to the audience? Isn't it targeting the people who want to become multimedia consuming machine?

Do I want to become a multimedia consuming machine? I don't think so... Then it hit me... it's sad because I'm sure many people will be like wow I want to see how this droid X will be able to satisfy my thirst for media. Isn't that sad though? We are now reduced to a machine who only knows how to please the self and be blasted with mindless entertainment.

I think it's really sad these days... that everyone has a toy with them no matter where they go... I have one. I have an iphone. I tried not to pull it out when I'm with friends and family. I have seen family dinners where one person would be on their PSP and be self absorbed. I have seen people walking down the streets with their family and one of the family members would have their earphones plugged in. I think it's sad that people no longer care about relationships with other human beings. People are so focused on how to entertain themselves...

I think it's a result of this generation where information is so readily accessible and not just information but what we desire is readily accessible. The media is telling us that if we want it we can obtain it. It almost seems a right that we should be able to obtain things instantaneously. We no longer understand patience and waiting on God. We no longer undertand that it is a grace and not a right. If we want to talk to our friend who is far away, we pick up our phone and call them or if we want to write to them, we send them an email. No one writes letter anymore. There is no need to wait on God's providence to see whether the letter made it through the storm to the recipient. If the farmers need to grow food, there is no need to wait for the rain, we create our own irrigation and we provide our own water sources. If we are at a book store and we want to know whether a book is good or not, we can take out our smartphone and check the reviews. If someone wants to know why NYC is called the big apple, we can look it up on wikipedia instantaneously. If we want to listen to a certain song, we can youtube it or buy it off itunes immediately. If we want to watch a certain anime or drama, we can download it off bittorrent. With our internet's ever increasing speed, we can obtain almost any information with a few clicks. We are so used to immediate gratification... and it becomes really apparent when we have to wait for something. When the internet connection is crappy and we have to wait a little bit for the page to load... or how sometime we don't want to invest the time necessary to develop a friendship because we want our friend to immediately understand and get us... we don't wanna go through the ups and downs and hash out the differences and how we want the other person to understand us more than we understand them or how we don't wanna cook because it takes a long time to prepare... or how we don't wanna write letters because it takes too long to write and typing is so much faster and how the delivery takes forever.. or how hard it is for us to focus on one thing and commit to it when we are presented with another thing that will satisfy us immediately... or how hard it is for us to run because we get bored so easily... the list goes on. I think it really hit me when I recently went to CNN to check the news and I hear about how in Germany there was a love parade and how more than 19 people were killed in a stampede... how do you feel when you read a news like that? I'll tell you how I feel... I'm numb to it. One reason is because everyday CNN broadcast some news of death... with twitter and all the social media... and all the information overload I just grow numb to certain things... I don't think social media and technology is a bad thing at all. I work in the tech industry but I think it's good that I'm aware of these things so I can understand why I feel this way and how to combat it.

I think this is really evident in my prayer... I tend to pray weak prayers and act with plan and might. What I mean is this... I pray for something but I feel like in order to secure what I want I need to have a plan. Things like salvation of my mom, getting into grad school, etc. I pray weak prayers and I feel like... okay I prayed... now it's my turn to do the rest... but I always forget that... "The king is not saved by his great strength. The war horse is a false hope for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue. Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love, that he may deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in famine." Psalm 33:16-19. I forget what it means to be patient and to wait for the Lord.

It reminds me of a verse in James 5 on patience. "Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmers waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand." James 5:7-8 The audience of James' letter knew exactly what James is talking about because many of them knew what a farmer had to do. Back in the days... a farmer had to wait for the rain... I remember hearing a sermon recently on what is the early rain and the late rain. The early rain is for the soil to become soft so the seed can be planted and the late rain is for the actual growth... isn't it crazy that people had to wait for not just one season of rain but two seasons... without created water sources and massive irrigations they had to wait for the Lord. I think because a lot of their lifestyle were dependent upon the Lord they knew how to practice patiences and grow in it. In this generation... we don't know what it means to be patient... we get angry or throw a tandrum if the subway doesn't arrive on time or if we don't get what we want immediately.

So... to fight my impatience... I try to do some of the old school stuff like... writing letters, cooking, praying more, running more, taking a break from media, and just reflecting upon these things so that I won't get too absorbed in what the media is telling me and how Satan is deceiving my desires. Don't you think we were made for something more than just being a multimedia consuming machine? Don't you find your heart beat just a little faster when you see a handwritten letter among the stack of bills and statements? Don't you find it exhilarating after running for an hour and getting a runner's high. Don't you find it so much more warmer and intimate when you drive out to meet a friend instead of calling them. Don't you find it rewarding when you spend the time to cook a meal for someone and they enjoy it? Don't you find it refreshing when you spend time planning and enjoying a camping trip with your friends? Don't you find it amazing to reflect upon the majesty of God and His abundant grace? Don't you feel lazy and nasty after being blasted by endless entertainment for days?

My hope is that I will never lose the sight of what I am created for and that it is not to be a multimedia consuming machine... but to be a selfless, loving, and patient man who has experienced His grace and will be a channel of His blessings.

I end with this Christian principle that I read recently by Martyn Lloyd Jones. "'Now that I am a Christian, and because I am a Christian I am in the Kingdom of God and all my thinking has got to be different. Everything here is different. I must not bring with me those old ideas, those old moods and concepts of thought'. We tend to confine salvation to one thing, namely to forgiveness, but we have to apply the principle throughout the Christian life."