The subway system in nyc is quite intense.
On some days, everything just goes smoothly. On some days, everything just goes horribly.
Tonight was one of the best. As I came home from sg, it was pouring. I got to time square and entered and waited for either the local or the express. I looked into the tunnel and saw no local for a while but the express arrived. In my head, I'm thinking and hoping that the express would catch up with the local and I would be able to get on it. I have two stops 72nd st and 96th st to transfer to the local. When I got to the 72nd station, no 1 train was in sight, nor did I past one. Then as we zoomed past the next local stop I realized that there were relatively few people waiting. My logic kicks in, this means... that the 1 had probably recently stop by. As we past 86th station (this station is the last station before the transfer point), I noticed that there were people walking towards the exit... this must mean the 1 had just stop by. As we approached 96th st, there was still no sight of the local train... and I'm thinking crap, if it's not waiting at 96th st that must mean I just missed it... and would have to wait a very long time for the next local train... then lo and behold as we entered 96th station... the one had also just arrived! I got off and got on to the local train and phew what a relief. zero wait. It was an awesome day.
It's funny how little things like that in NYC just makes your day. haha In the city everyone walks fast and are rushing to places... I think it is to make up for the lost time of waiting for the train or trying to avoid that depressing feeling you get when you see a bunch of people walk up from the subway station as you enter it... because that means you JUST missed the train... One time, I saw people walk up and I RAN down the stairs and trying to avoid the crowd swipe my card (thankfully it only took one swipe... sometimes it takes many swipes and you just swipe away as you watch the train's door close and leave... -_-) but that time I swipe and flew in the door before it closed... One time I even held on to the door to get in. haha wow I feel like a true new yorker when I did that.
The nyc transit system is a beast I tell ya... Whenever I go to the station, I can always tell who the tourist are... they look so lost and don't know how to operate or don't know which train to take... while all the locals are busy rushing past them and shoving them out of the way.
It's intense and intricate... if you know how to ride express trains it can save you 5 or 10 minutes... you might think this is not a lot but it is for a new yorker. However, if you miss your transfer to the local train... you will definitely end up losing time...
It's also 24 hours. So you never have to worry about not being able to go home... and people are on the train even in the wee hours... I have taken it at 3AM before... the trains are still full of people... although the trains do run less often... however at least there is a way home besides the expensive cab.
So if it's 24 hours when do they do maintenance? On weekends and late night times... so during those times it might be horrible... Sometimes there are no local downtown trains... so everything runs express. Sometimes trains don't go all the way and you have to transfer to another train. Sometimes there are no express.
In general overall... I feel like the subway system is a hit or miss and depends on the day... weekdays are usually pretty reliable on weekends... it's iffy... however, without the subway I don't think I would be able to do much outside of columbia... so definitely props to the system even though it is not perfect...
kevin
Friday, October 23, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Reflection
This week has been a lot better.
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me. Last week's sermon was on being reborn. In small group today we discussed about what does it truly mean to be reborn.
For me the term being reborn... is so... colloquial. Sure, we as Christian know that we must be reborn to have faith but I have heard that term so many times I think I have truly lost the meaning of what it means.
Of course, if there was a theology quiz and it asked this question what does reborn mean... I would totally have an answer... something like oh you must die to your old self. You must have the regenerative Holy Spirit living within to do the saving work and sanctification work.
But how come when I read John 3, I can totally relate to Nicodemus. I feel like I'm asking Jesus "What do you mean reborn? I can't go back to my mother's womb" What do you mean the Spirit blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound but you do not know where it goes? How can these things be?
I feel like Jesus is responding to me "Are you the teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things? " I am not necessary the teacher of Israel but I sure know a lot about the bible. I can probably qualify in man's sense as one who can disciple other people. Yet, I am humbled by this passage.
I feel in a sense, I know what reborn is but I don't know how it looks like... Or maybe I don't see the effect of it in me... or maybe I saw it in the past and remembered the joy but currently it is not here. I begin to doubt and think where is the joy? Am I also like Nicodemus? However, I remember the verse in Ephesians 2 where it explains clearly that we were dead in the trespasses and sins. But God in His rich and great mercy saved me even though I was dead. I think that even though I might not completely have joy currently, the fact that I even noticed it or reflect upon it is a sign of life. CJ Mahaney said once that even the fact that we are struggling with the lack of joy shows us that we are spiritually aware... because those who are spiritually dead don't care and won't struggle.
By the grace of God, I am who I am today. I think this is indeed humbling... for me to be a Christian this long (still relatively short) and yet I now realized... I am still a teenager. Knowing what's right and wrong but yet not completely doing what's right. Rebelling against the Father. Yet, He is so patient with me. I think this is humbling on another level knowing that this is not about trying my best because I try my best and still in a sense fail. I have been equipped well... I think God is teaching me that it is not truly only about how much you have learned or equipped but it is how much I am depending upon God daily. What kind of relationship do I have with Jesus and how much do I pray to Him daily acknowledging that I am not doing okay. Am I seeking His grace?
I think with all this in mind, it motivates me to pray more. In a sense I think it is harder to pray to God than to actually "do" something about it. I might feel like I'm wasting my time praying instead of doing but I think God is teaching me something here... I need to rely on Him instead of myself. I need His strength and grace. New York City might be a huge beast but I realized He is much bigger. As Jesus said, "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God." -Mark 10:27.
kevin
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me. Last week's sermon was on being reborn. In small group today we discussed about what does it truly mean to be reborn.
For me the term being reborn... is so... colloquial. Sure, we as Christian know that we must be reborn to have faith but I have heard that term so many times I think I have truly lost the meaning of what it means.
Of course, if there was a theology quiz and it asked this question what does reborn mean... I would totally have an answer... something like oh you must die to your old self. You must have the regenerative Holy Spirit living within to do the saving work and sanctification work.
But how come when I read John 3, I can totally relate to Nicodemus. I feel like I'm asking Jesus "What do you mean reborn? I can't go back to my mother's womb" What do you mean the Spirit blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound but you do not know where it goes? How can these things be?
I feel like Jesus is responding to me "Are you the teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things? " I am not necessary the teacher of Israel but I sure know a lot about the bible. I can probably qualify in man's sense as one who can disciple other people. Yet, I am humbled by this passage.
I feel in a sense, I know what reborn is but I don't know how it looks like... Or maybe I don't see the effect of it in me... or maybe I saw it in the past and remembered the joy but currently it is not here. I begin to doubt and think where is the joy? Am I also like Nicodemus? However, I remember the verse in Ephesians 2 where it explains clearly that we were dead in the trespasses and sins. But God in His rich and great mercy saved me even though I was dead. I think that even though I might not completely have joy currently, the fact that I even noticed it or reflect upon it is a sign of life. CJ Mahaney said once that even the fact that we are struggling with the lack of joy shows us that we are spiritually aware... because those who are spiritually dead don't care and won't struggle.
By the grace of God, I am who I am today. I think this is indeed humbling... for me to be a Christian this long (still relatively short) and yet I now realized... I am still a teenager. Knowing what's right and wrong but yet not completely doing what's right. Rebelling against the Father. Yet, He is so patient with me. I think this is humbling on another level knowing that this is not about trying my best because I try my best and still in a sense fail. I have been equipped well... I think God is teaching me that it is not truly only about how much you have learned or equipped but it is how much I am depending upon God daily. What kind of relationship do I have with Jesus and how much do I pray to Him daily acknowledging that I am not doing okay. Am I seeking His grace?
I think with all this in mind, it motivates me to pray more. In a sense I think it is harder to pray to God than to actually "do" something about it. I might feel like I'm wasting my time praying instead of doing but I think God is teaching me something here... I need to rely on Him instead of myself. I need His strength and grace. New York City might be a huge beast but I realized He is much bigger. As Jesus said, "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God." -Mark 10:27.
kevin
Friday, October 9, 2009
Pause. Reflect. Scripture. Convictions. Prayer. Action.
NYC... it is more difficult than it seems. I have heard this place described in many ways...
It is a beast out in nyc...
It is the place where you are always surrounded by people yet... you don't feel a sense of community...
It is very efficient but many times it just seems like no one cares...
No personal space... you are breathing people everyday.
etc etc.
To me, this is the place that God has stripped me.
I reflect upon the past month that I have been here and when I take a look at my heart I realized how much I haven't changed from my old self...
Back at Berkeley, even though the people around me might be liberal, I was surrounded by a great community of believers. It was a blessing where I was able to form my convictions on the solid Word of God.
It was easy. Everyone else is doing it... everyone else is loving God, singing praises to Him, serving brothers and sisters in Christ. Even though I would question myself a lot of times whether I am doing it for God or for people... I pray that it would be for God instead of fear of man... but now God has stripped me of my close brothers and now I am by myself... truly how much have I changed? Truly how much am I depending on God?
As I sat there in small group today, as I contemplated what in the world am I doing in NYC. I thought about the degree, I thought about the HW, and I thought about the grading... I wanted to be excellent in these fields... However, a conviction struck my heart... have I made all these the end instead of a mean to the end. Have I lost my sight of why I'm in school. For what purpose? Where is God in all of this. Sure I can say well I want to do all these things for His glory but come on if I am real with myself... I have lost sight of God in the midst of all this.
I look at my behavior for the past month and man I feel like I assimilated right into the nyc culture. I walk fast and judge those who are slow or who are tourist and just are in my way. When I am grading HW, I become annoyed at those students who solve problems unconventionally and have to make me work... I don't think of it as a service to them. There is so much judgment and hate going on in my heart... sure my heart and conscious would jolt and say hey that's not right and that's not love but I feel like I just brush it aside because I am too busy to get from A to B and when I get to B I need to solve C and then afterwards I need to make D and the list never stops... am I searing my conscious and hardening my heart?
What happened to the grand scheme of things I was supposed to do for God and NYC? How come they have been put in the back burner... if they are even still on the stove?! Have I tabled it... have I left it in the freezer...
I sometimes think oh but God is gracious, or oh it is not all about doing things... or oh maybe now I would understand God's grace and mercy because I feel so not worthy of his love... but these are no excuse for continually not caring about the people around me... or even worse becoming more cold towards the people who I don't know.
Today at small group we talked about Redeemer's vision and hope for the poor in NYC. We went over one of my favorite verses in the OT. Micah 6:8.
"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the LORD require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?"
God has told me what is good. Eastbay has equipped me well... I know the bible, I have read many books about the bible and I have read books on how to make the bible practical... God has indeed told me what is good... and what does the LORD require? To do justice, to love kindness and to talk humbly with my God.
In many ways if you tie this in with the two previous verses, God has basically reduced the entire 600+ OT commandments into three. The previous verses, Micah 6:6-7
"With what shall I come before the LORD,
and bow myself before God on high?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
with calves a year old?
Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
with ten thousands of rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?"
I can ask myself these same questions... except replace burnt offerings with education, degrees, money, etc... However, the Lord is not pleased with just these things... He requires the heart... To do justice, which could mean being ethical, caring about the poor, protecting the poor, To love kindness, to love those around me, to love people, and to love doing good, and to walk humbly with my God, to read His Word, to love His Word, to love the Gospel.
This verse reminds me of Isaiah 11:1-4.
There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse,
and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit.
And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him,
the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and might,
the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.
And his delight shall be in the fear of the LORD.
He shall not judge by what his eyes see,
or decide disputes by what his ears hear,
but with righteousness he shall judge the poor,
and decide with equity for the meek of the earth;
The only person who can perfectly follow what Micah said is our Lord Jesus Christ. He shall not judge by what his eyes see or decide disputes by what his ears hear... this means He is not influenced by the world... but with righteousness he will judge the poor and decided with equity for the meek of the earth. Jesus truly cares about the meek and the poor and will exact equity and justice for them. He walks humbly with our God.
Finally... how does this wrap all around? Micah 6:8 reduces the commandment into three... Jesus reduces it into two. Matthew 22:36-40
"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets."
Love the Lord, and to love the neighbor. In NYC, I have accomplished neither. I have been so self-focused... I complain about grading, I complain about not having settled down into a small group yet, I complain about the massive amount of work I am doing for school... I am usually closed off... I am quiet around people... I don't try to make an effort to get to know people... I lack accountability and I have been so busy that I have not stopped and paused and thought to myself what am I truly doing...
I'm glad God is gracious enough to let me grow my convictions at Berkeley... If it wasn't for those 7 years... I think NYC will probably smother and consume me. I'm thankful for God to continually give me the grace to examine my heart ever so often...
I just hope that I would not focus on school so much where I forget the Gospel... or where I forget serving God... I pray that I will not end up like my undergraduate days where I concentrated so much on school that I neglected the more important matters of life...
Matthew 6:33
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
kevin
It is a beast out in nyc...
It is the place where you are always surrounded by people yet... you don't feel a sense of community...
It is very efficient but many times it just seems like no one cares...
No personal space... you are breathing people everyday.
etc etc.
To me, this is the place that God has stripped me.
I reflect upon the past month that I have been here and when I take a look at my heart I realized how much I haven't changed from my old self...
Back at Berkeley, even though the people around me might be liberal, I was surrounded by a great community of believers. It was a blessing where I was able to form my convictions on the solid Word of God.
It was easy. Everyone else is doing it... everyone else is loving God, singing praises to Him, serving brothers and sisters in Christ. Even though I would question myself a lot of times whether I am doing it for God or for people... I pray that it would be for God instead of fear of man... but now God has stripped me of my close brothers and now I am by myself... truly how much have I changed? Truly how much am I depending on God?
As I sat there in small group today, as I contemplated what in the world am I doing in NYC. I thought about the degree, I thought about the HW, and I thought about the grading... I wanted to be excellent in these fields... However, a conviction struck my heart... have I made all these the end instead of a mean to the end. Have I lost my sight of why I'm in school. For what purpose? Where is God in all of this. Sure I can say well I want to do all these things for His glory but come on if I am real with myself... I have lost sight of God in the midst of all this.
I look at my behavior for the past month and man I feel like I assimilated right into the nyc culture. I walk fast and judge those who are slow or who are tourist and just are in my way. When I am grading HW, I become annoyed at those students who solve problems unconventionally and have to make me work... I don't think of it as a service to them. There is so much judgment and hate going on in my heart... sure my heart and conscious would jolt and say hey that's not right and that's not love but I feel like I just brush it aside because I am too busy to get from A to B and when I get to B I need to solve C and then afterwards I need to make D and the list never stops... am I searing my conscious and hardening my heart?
What happened to the grand scheme of things I was supposed to do for God and NYC? How come they have been put in the back burner... if they are even still on the stove?! Have I tabled it... have I left it in the freezer...
I sometimes think oh but God is gracious, or oh it is not all about doing things... or oh maybe now I would understand God's grace and mercy because I feel so not worthy of his love... but these are no excuse for continually not caring about the people around me... or even worse becoming more cold towards the people who I don't know.
Today at small group we talked about Redeemer's vision and hope for the poor in NYC. We went over one of my favorite verses in the OT. Micah 6:8.
"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the LORD require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?"
God has told me what is good. Eastbay has equipped me well... I know the bible, I have read many books about the bible and I have read books on how to make the bible practical... God has indeed told me what is good... and what does the LORD require? To do justice, to love kindness and to talk humbly with my God.
In many ways if you tie this in with the two previous verses, God has basically reduced the entire 600+ OT commandments into three. The previous verses, Micah 6:6-7
"With what shall I come before the LORD,
and bow myself before God on high?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
with calves a year old?
Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
with ten thousands of rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?"
I can ask myself these same questions... except replace burnt offerings with education, degrees, money, etc... However, the Lord is not pleased with just these things... He requires the heart... To do justice, which could mean being ethical, caring about the poor, protecting the poor, To love kindness, to love those around me, to love people, and to love doing good, and to walk humbly with my God, to read His Word, to love His Word, to love the Gospel.
This verse reminds me of Isaiah 11:1-4.
There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse,
and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit.
And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him,
the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and might,
the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.
And his delight shall be in the fear of the LORD.
He shall not judge by what his eyes see,
or decide disputes by what his ears hear,
but with righteousness he shall judge the poor,
and decide with equity for the meek of the earth;
The only person who can perfectly follow what Micah said is our Lord Jesus Christ. He shall not judge by what his eyes see or decide disputes by what his ears hear... this means He is not influenced by the world... but with righteousness he will judge the poor and decided with equity for the meek of the earth. Jesus truly cares about the meek and the poor and will exact equity and justice for them. He walks humbly with our God.
Finally... how does this wrap all around? Micah 6:8 reduces the commandment into three... Jesus reduces it into two. Matthew 22:36-40
"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets."
Love the Lord, and to love the neighbor. In NYC, I have accomplished neither. I have been so self-focused... I complain about grading, I complain about not having settled down into a small group yet, I complain about the massive amount of work I am doing for school... I am usually closed off... I am quiet around people... I don't try to make an effort to get to know people... I lack accountability and I have been so busy that I have not stopped and paused and thought to myself what am I truly doing...
I'm glad God is gracious enough to let me grow my convictions at Berkeley... If it wasn't for those 7 years... I think NYC will probably smother and consume me. I'm thankful for God to continually give me the grace to examine my heart ever so often...
I just hope that I would not focus on school so much where I forget the Gospel... or where I forget serving God... I pray that I will not end up like my undergraduate days where I concentrated so much on school that I neglected the more important matters of life...
Matthew 6:33
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
kevin
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