Saturday, December 15, 2012
Call to think and pray
Yesterday, as I was talking to my co-worker I felt my neck and realized that I was missing my necklace. I don't really care about the necklace but the jade on it was precious to me because my mom gave it to me when I was around 10 years old. I remember missing something that morning as I was changing so I thought maybe during my sleep it came off. I also thought that what if I dropped it on my way to 99 ranch when I picked up some rice that morning for the Christmas gathering. I started to get anxious and decided to go home and check it out even though it was 10:20AM and might be a 45 minutes detour. As I was driving home, I heard on the news on K-Love about a tragic incident. At first, I thought another shooting? Then I heard the details of how it was an elementary school in Newtown near Danbury, CT. When I was young, my Dad would drive me and my sister to Danbury to check out the mall there even though it was quite far but the mall had a carousel in it. Then I heard the number of children killed and I was sad. I couldn't believe it but at that moment I chose not to think too much about it because I was "busy" with trying to find my necklace or worrying about it. I got home and I searched for it in my bed and I couldn't find it and then I looked at the hoodie that I had put on in the morning and shook it around and lo and behold the necklace felt out. I felt such a sense of relief and thankfulness to God. Then as I was driving back to work, I heard the news again and that's when I started thinking more about it. My first initial thought is not to think too much about it because I was afraid of getting sad but then I realized I am just being selfish. Selfish in two ways. One is I wanted to take care of my own worry first (finding my necklace) before worrying or thinking about other people and second is I didn't want to be sad so I am choosing not to think about it. Jesus said to weep with those who weep. I need to weep with those who weep because if I choose not to think about it then I probably won't be praying for them either. It's only when I can sympathizes with their pain will I remember to pray for them. I definitely can't relate because I never had a child and I don't know what it means to lose something so precious. Something that you put so much into and have it all taken away, especially the suddenness of it. If I was a parent, I would think that in a small town schools are pretty safe. I would never imagine sending them to their death. It's not like sending them to war or seeing them battle a disease. Not to reduce the pain of either of those two things but there is some preparation. This is just too quick and unprepared. I woke up this morning thinking about this incident and wanting to call my mom and my sister. Funny how my mom called me this morning about something totally different but I was able to share with her that I'm glad she's alive and then I called my sister to shared the same thing. I know that many people are waking up this morning hoping it was a nightmare. It's just sad to think about that. It's really sad to hope it's a nightmare but wake up and realized it is actually true what happened. If I think about that, I would want to pray more for them. I read a bit of Job this morning along with some parts of Isaiah 40, 41 and Ephesians 1 and 2 Corinthians 1. Even though I don't know the community there, I want to love them like Jesus because I know God is sad. Sad that this evil has happened. I remember hearing the president's speech about this incident and I thought it was very well said. It's especially sad because they are children and God could have used them for so many things and there were a lot of blessings that the parents will no longer be able to enjoy with their kids such as birthday parties and graduations, etc. Jesus loves children. He said "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God" Luke 18:16. I pray that people would turn to God instead of running away and blaming Him. He is the father of mercies and the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our afflictions (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). I lost a necklace and I found it again. Some parents lost their kid and they can't be found again (at least not on this earth). I hope and pray that God would cause the people's heart to be stirred to find that the world is fleeting and that there is only one true hope and that is in Jesus Christ. He is our ultimate joy which can never be taken away. I hope that God would save many and that people's heart would be healed by Jesus and that many would once again see their children in heaven. I pray that I would be more thankful to God for the people that I love and I would not take them for granted.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
The Cost of Discipleship
Today I got to meet up with Wesley at Thai Spoons. It's a Thai place that my co-workers told me about and it's pretty good and cheap. I actually got lost getting there but it's funny because I texted him the cross streets (El Camino and Mary) and then later when I look it up again on google maps and I guess it screwed up or I have a lost in memory but I remembered it as Fair Oaks and El Camino. Long story short I was going in circles trying to find the place and I got there 15 minutes late. I guess I'm pretty out of it these days haha. He was patiently waiting even thought he was starving and probably tired from the commute.
I'm definitely thankful for Wes and all the ways he has served the church. He also helped me out when he came in the morning to help me "camp out" and save a spot for the church BBQ.
We both chow down really quickly and barely have time to talk as we shovel food into our mouths. I guess we were both pretty hungry. However, the good part of the conversation was when we both left the restaurant and chilled in the parking lot. Instead of grabbing boba, we loiter around the parking lot like high schoolers and talked about various things on our hearts.
One of the things that Wes reminded me of was the cost of discipleship. Wes, said that if it were not God, Christ and the Holy Spirit reviving our hearts, we would not choose Christ. No one would. We would rather choose money, family, stability, etc than Christ. Basically health, wealth, prosperity. For some strange reason, tonight in the dimly lit parking lot, it got me really thinking. It's true, if a person is not saved, why would they choose Christ and choose to follow him over all the other things that in the world's eye's is precious. People would for sure choose, money, family and comfort, over following Christ. It is indeed in one sense, total depravity (T in TULIP). We would not choose the things of God. It reminds me of Romans 3:11 where it says No one seeks for God. If it were not the irresistible grace of God (I in TULIP), we would still be after the things of this world. However, just because we have been saved, doesn't mean it's not a battle to still desire the things of this world over Christ. Jesus tells us to give up everything for Him. Luke 14:25-33 talks about this:
"Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple."
As I read this, the more I realize that only Christians are able to do this. I believe that's why Jesus spoke to the great crowds that followed Him. He wanted to see who his real disciples were and who were there to just go along with the crowd or because He had the gift of healing or because he had unlimited supply of food. I remember Steve Lawson gave a sermon on this passage a while ago at Resolved. I was a young Christian and now 5+ years later, I'm still learning what it means to be a disciple of Christ. I mean definitely we are not perfect and sin remains but if there is a desire to fight and there is the Holy Spirit indwelling within us then we would want to fight. This desire to fight is a sign of life and an assurance of salvation. I think as we grow, this battle does get easier. The things of God becomes more and more precious and worthy of our energy and time. Sometimes the fight gets difficult and I see myself not loving God as I should be and a verse would come into my mind, (probably the most scariest verse in the bible) “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’" - Matthew 7:21-23. Sometimes when I don't see Jesus as my supreme treasure or when I don't love Jesus as much as I should, I get fearful of this. However, I shouldn't be because the fight is a sign. I believe Jesus is talking to those who are doing it not because they love Jesus but some other reason. The goal of our action should be a response to His love and not a way to "pay back". We can never pay Jesus back for what He did. If the desire to fight is ever present in our soul, it is a definitely assurance of salvation. I believe that's what Paul means in Romans 5:3-5. "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Through our sufferings, through our struggles, through our battles with sin whether it is our own sin or someone else throwing sin at us, we are able to build endurance. God gives us the grace and energy and endurance to handle sufferings. This endurance builds character in us and in the end this gives us hope. Why? Why does hope not put us to shame? Because it's a sign that God's love has been poured into our hearts and the Holy Spirit has been give to us. This means that if we are saved and only if we are saved, our sufferings all make sense because in the end it builds character in us to love God more and bring Him more glory! If we fight and want to desire Christ above all things, then it is an assurance that the Holy Spirit is in us and according to Ephesians 1:13-14 the Holy Spirit is the guarantee of our inheritance to the praise of His glory.
So FIGHT ON! Put on that armor and wield that sword. It is a glorious thing that God is jealous for the things that are His. We are His and He loves us so much that He desires us to be more like His Son so that we do can radiate His glory.
I'm definitely thankful for Wes and all the ways he has served the church. He also helped me out when he came in the morning to help me "camp out" and save a spot for the church BBQ.
We both chow down really quickly and barely have time to talk as we shovel food into our mouths. I guess we were both pretty hungry. However, the good part of the conversation was when we both left the restaurant and chilled in the parking lot. Instead of grabbing boba, we loiter around the parking lot like high schoolers and talked about various things on our hearts.
One of the things that Wes reminded me of was the cost of discipleship. Wes, said that if it were not God, Christ and the Holy Spirit reviving our hearts, we would not choose Christ. No one would. We would rather choose money, family, stability, etc than Christ. Basically health, wealth, prosperity. For some strange reason, tonight in the dimly lit parking lot, it got me really thinking. It's true, if a person is not saved, why would they choose Christ and choose to follow him over all the other things that in the world's eye's is precious. People would for sure choose, money, family and comfort, over following Christ. It is indeed in one sense, total depravity (T in TULIP). We would not choose the things of God. It reminds me of Romans 3:11 where it says No one seeks for God. If it were not the irresistible grace of God (I in TULIP), we would still be after the things of this world. However, just because we have been saved, doesn't mean it's not a battle to still desire the things of this world over Christ. Jesus tells us to give up everything for Him. Luke 14:25-33 talks about this:
"Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple."
As I read this, the more I realize that only Christians are able to do this. I believe that's why Jesus spoke to the great crowds that followed Him. He wanted to see who his real disciples were and who were there to just go along with the crowd or because He had the gift of healing or because he had unlimited supply of food. I remember Steve Lawson gave a sermon on this passage a while ago at Resolved. I was a young Christian and now 5+ years later, I'm still learning what it means to be a disciple of Christ. I mean definitely we are not perfect and sin remains but if there is a desire to fight and there is the Holy Spirit indwelling within us then we would want to fight. This desire to fight is a sign of life and an assurance of salvation. I think as we grow, this battle does get easier. The things of God becomes more and more precious and worthy of our energy and time. Sometimes the fight gets difficult and I see myself not loving God as I should be and a verse would come into my mind, (probably the most scariest verse in the bible) “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’" - Matthew 7:21-23. Sometimes when I don't see Jesus as my supreme treasure or when I don't love Jesus as much as I should, I get fearful of this. However, I shouldn't be because the fight is a sign. I believe Jesus is talking to those who are doing it not because they love Jesus but some other reason. The goal of our action should be a response to His love and not a way to "pay back". We can never pay Jesus back for what He did. If the desire to fight is ever present in our soul, it is a definitely assurance of salvation. I believe that's what Paul means in Romans 5:3-5. "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Through our sufferings, through our struggles, through our battles with sin whether it is our own sin or someone else throwing sin at us, we are able to build endurance. God gives us the grace and energy and endurance to handle sufferings. This endurance builds character in us and in the end this gives us hope. Why? Why does hope not put us to shame? Because it's a sign that God's love has been poured into our hearts and the Holy Spirit has been give to us. This means that if we are saved and only if we are saved, our sufferings all make sense because in the end it builds character in us to love God more and bring Him more glory! If we fight and want to desire Christ above all things, then it is an assurance that the Holy Spirit is in us and according to Ephesians 1:13-14 the Holy Spirit is the guarantee of our inheritance to the praise of His glory.
So FIGHT ON! Put on that armor and wield that sword. It is a glorious thing that God is jealous for the things that are His. We are His and He loves us so much that He desires us to be more like His Son so that we do can radiate His glory.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
His grace is sufficient
It's been a while since I last blogged. There were many times where I told myself I will blog and then I would get busy and it would be perpetually put off. I'm actually quite tired currently from my friend's wedding but I told myself that I would blog this weekend so here I am typing away.
I love weddings because of two reasons. One is that it points back to Christ. The other is that it is a great place for reunions. I finally was able to meet up with David Lee. I miss this guy a lot, like a lot, like a lot. Did I tell you that I miss David like a lot? haha I kept saying that to people at the wedding.
I was able to catch up with him briefly when I was getting coffee with him but I'm excited about tomorrow because I'll be able to meet up with him one on one.
I wish seriously he was up at norcal with me. I know I'm being selfish but we are so similar and we have similar struggles in life and we keep things so real between each other. I'm thankful to God for our friendship even though we are not at the same location.
For the brief catchup, David shared how he is learning that God keeps us humble by allowing us to make mistakes and does not give us everything perfectly. Recently, work has been somewhat stressful for both of us. I'm under the pressure to not make mistakes in any of my simulations because every day counts. However, one time I screwed up and I remember thinking to myself man how could I make such a careless mistake. We believe that God allows those mistakes so that in the end we would realize that it's all up to God whether we work well or not. Everything is up to God, and nothing is up to us. The ability to wake up and be productive is up to God. The ability to get up and praise Him. The ability to do all things is all His grace. I think it's awesome how God uses work to show us that in the end in life no matter what we do it's all His grace. We make mistakes and sometimes huge ones, but it's a way to keep us humble. This reminds me of Paul when He asked God to remove the thorn and three times he pleads with God, ' "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.' 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
I'm still trying to wrap my head around that though. It's difficult to make mistake and not regret it. I remember one of my married friend (David Choi) who has three kids said to me, "As you grow older in life, your regrets will grow." I'm beginning to truly understand that. I definitely hope that I learn from my mistake but more also that I would say with Paul that Jesus' grace is sufficient for me.
One other thing I have been learning recently is a sermon I heard from lighthouse's associate pastor JR. One of the verses he preached on was Philippians 3:8-9 "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—" It's been really resonating in my mind and hopefully soon it will travel down and resonate in my heart. I mean I have heard this verse and read this verse many times but the spirit really moved me that day and the weight of the passage settled in. Do I truly count everything as loss? What if I were to lose my job, or lose a limb, or lose all my friends. Would I be able to be like Job? "Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:20-21
Recently I have been praying that God would give me the grace to understand this. To be honest, if God were to take away my job or a limb or something that gives me comfort, my first thought would not be praising Him. My first thoughts would be doubting God and His love. In light of that thought, I have been praying that God would give me a new heart that would resonate the surpassing knowledge of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord. I know that in the end it's all His grace and I pray that he would give me the ability to have complete satisfaction from Him. A lot of times I know my faith is not as strong and it does not come out as naturally as others are. I think that's why David and I are similar. Because of this we feel like our doubts are always present. So we cling. We cling because we are desperate. We strive to fight hard and a lot of times it's taxing. I think that's why a lot of times the introspections can become dark, very dark. Last time we met up David told me that he's been learning not to give in to that. It's easy to throw a pity party and let the emo darkness take control because it feels good. I have been learning to not give in and instead call out to God and read the scripture verse that tells me that He is faithful even when I am not. "Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:23-26 So with that in my mind, I pray that in the end if God were to take away everything I would be like Habakkuk "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19
I'm starting to read Knowing God again because I feel like I need to remind myself of what it truly means to know of God verses to only know about God. In the opening chapter, JI Packer quotes one of Charles Spurgeon's sermon, "Oh, there is, contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; and in the influence of the Holy Ghost, there is a balsam for every sore. Would you lose your sorrow? Would you drown your cares? Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead's deepest sea; be lost in his immensity; and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest, refreshed and invigorated. I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so calm the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial, as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead. It is to that subject I invite you this morning."
A verse that comes into my mind is Psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
I love weddings because of two reasons. One is that it points back to Christ. The other is that it is a great place for reunions. I finally was able to meet up with David Lee. I miss this guy a lot, like a lot, like a lot. Did I tell you that I miss David like a lot? haha I kept saying that to people at the wedding.
I was able to catch up with him briefly when I was getting coffee with him but I'm excited about tomorrow because I'll be able to meet up with him one on one.
I wish seriously he was up at norcal with me. I know I'm being selfish but we are so similar and we have similar struggles in life and we keep things so real between each other. I'm thankful to God for our friendship even though we are not at the same location.
For the brief catchup, David shared how he is learning that God keeps us humble by allowing us to make mistakes and does not give us everything perfectly. Recently, work has been somewhat stressful for both of us. I'm under the pressure to not make mistakes in any of my simulations because every day counts. However, one time I screwed up and I remember thinking to myself man how could I make such a careless mistake. We believe that God allows those mistakes so that in the end we would realize that it's all up to God whether we work well or not. Everything is up to God, and nothing is up to us. The ability to wake up and be productive is up to God. The ability to get up and praise Him. The ability to do all things is all His grace. I think it's awesome how God uses work to show us that in the end in life no matter what we do it's all His grace. We make mistakes and sometimes huge ones, but it's a way to keep us humble. This reminds me of Paul when He asked God to remove the thorn and three times he pleads with God, ' "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.' 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
I'm still trying to wrap my head around that though. It's difficult to make mistake and not regret it. I remember one of my married friend (David Choi) who has three kids said to me, "As you grow older in life, your regrets will grow." I'm beginning to truly understand that. I definitely hope that I learn from my mistake but more also that I would say with Paul that Jesus' grace is sufficient for me.
One other thing I have been learning recently is a sermon I heard from lighthouse's associate pastor JR. One of the verses he preached on was Philippians 3:8-9 "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—" It's been really resonating in my mind and hopefully soon it will travel down and resonate in my heart. I mean I have heard this verse and read this verse many times but the spirit really moved me that day and the weight of the passage settled in. Do I truly count everything as loss? What if I were to lose my job, or lose a limb, or lose all my friends. Would I be able to be like Job? "Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:20-21
Recently I have been praying that God would give me the grace to understand this. To be honest, if God were to take away my job or a limb or something that gives me comfort, my first thought would not be praising Him. My first thoughts would be doubting God and His love. In light of that thought, I have been praying that God would give me a new heart that would resonate the surpassing knowledge of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord. I know that in the end it's all His grace and I pray that he would give me the ability to have complete satisfaction from Him. A lot of times I know my faith is not as strong and it does not come out as naturally as others are. I think that's why David and I are similar. Because of this we feel like our doubts are always present. So we cling. We cling because we are desperate. We strive to fight hard and a lot of times it's taxing. I think that's why a lot of times the introspections can become dark, very dark. Last time we met up David told me that he's been learning not to give in to that. It's easy to throw a pity party and let the emo darkness take control because it feels good. I have been learning to not give in and instead call out to God and read the scripture verse that tells me that He is faithful even when I am not. "Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:23-26 So with that in my mind, I pray that in the end if God were to take away everything I would be like Habakkuk "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19
I'm starting to read Knowing God again because I feel like I need to remind myself of what it truly means to know of God verses to only know about God. In the opening chapter, JI Packer quotes one of Charles Spurgeon's sermon, "Oh, there is, contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; and in the influence of the Holy Ghost, there is a balsam for every sore. Would you lose your sorrow? Would you drown your cares? Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead's deepest sea; be lost in his immensity; and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest, refreshed and invigorated. I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so calm the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial, as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead. It is to that subject I invite you this morning."
A verse that comes into my mind is Psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
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